Glowing in Tough Times

I’ve been thinking about how to express the way I felt during and after Lynn and Sumei’s “The Big Glow” class this Saturday. I was really excited to practice with them, wanting to know what it would be like to take a class taught by two teachers at once.

I could write about how I loved their focus on alignment, anatomical preciseness, jokes and clear way of breaking down postures – moving the class into handstands and arm balances, without overwhelm. But Megan already did a far greater job at that. (Here).

Instead, I want to write about a question that came up and has been going through my mind during the past days.

Why do we come to our mats; what makes us show up? Because we want to feel emotionally balanced, physically challenged, to find some peace of mind?

Before class starts, Lynn shares a message from the heart. The day prior, the teaching pair got the message that one of their close friends passed away. “How can we teach right now, after losing our dear friend?”, Lynn asks. My heart skips a beat, as I think – yes, how are you so strong to be standing there and hold the space for us for the next two hours?

We come to our mats, especially when times get hard. 
“It is especially in moments like this that we can find support by and refuge on the mat”, she goes on. “This is why so many of us came here in the first place, because life got heavy…and hard to carry”.

I let it sink in for a couple of breaths, and realize how true this is. Of course I want to work on my practice consistently, but mostly need to get flowing with my breath when the only reliable thing in life seems to be just that – breath.

Throughout my teenage years, my practice has always been ‘on’ and ‘off’; rationally knowing that I would really benefit from practicing meditation, pranayama and asana, yet often moving away from a connection to my emotions as much as I possibly could. It left me ashamed, thinking I was the only one who was lacking discipline. Now I can see how I might have been lacking proper systems to take care of Me, and was just being a really mean person to my dear Self.

I no longer pick disconnection over getting in touch with my emotions; instead I wrestle and cry on my mat when needed, or laugh hysterically when I get the impulse. During this class, which left me with a long-lasting afterglow, I got reassured that this is of key importance.

Show up. Bring yourself. No strings attached. Just you, Raw and Real.

As a newly certified teacher, I also feel very inspired by Yumei and Lynn – as they show me that: no, yoga teachers – nor anybody else – aren’t superhumans, yet we can share and guide our students on their way. They grow when we share our own stories, we are here to inspire them, to be strong when needed, or drop our facade when this serves us better.

I don’t often have regrets, but after this class…I regret not fully living my yoga and reaching out. I feel that some heart-felt hugs were really welcome in this moment.

I hope my words here will be a good second best. From my heart to yours: Dear Lynn and Sumei, I am so sorry for your loss.

Written by : Saar Grolleman